A morning for do-overs

     I wish I could rewind.  I don’t want to rewind to watch a segment of time again, like a funny scene on a T.V. show.  I want to rewind to have a do-over.  I desire to turn back the clock, just a few minutes, to completely change the way I acted, reacted, spoke, yelled, and responded.  You see, I choose to spend less than five minutes with my children in a way that I wish they had not witnessed.  My wish is so deep, it hurts my heart.  My eyes fill with tears thinking about my childish, short-tempered behavior.  In fact, the embarrassment is worse knowing that next year, next week, even tomorrow – none of this matters.  Let me correct myself, it does matter.  What matters is that I let my children see an ugly side of me.  They saw a short-fuse and disgust over tardiness.  Truly – over just being a few minutes late.  Instead of greeting them at the door to say “how did you sleep?” “Are you having a good morning?” “What did you have for breakfast?” I yelled.  Then I yelled some more.  Just because they weren’t ready like I requested, waiting for me at the door.  I was more upset over the dogs, the milk still sitting on the counter, the TV left on, and the fact that their coats and hats were on hooks- not on their bodies.  To say I flew off the handle was an understatement.  My behavior ruined their morning, and possibly their day.  My prayer, deep passion, is that moments like this don’t ruin their impression of me.  I want them to remember my laugh, my smile, and my genuine love for them.  I care more about them then I care for myself.  It’s my job to show them this every day.  This morning, I wasted that chance.  I won’t get those few moments back.  Every mother tells you how quickly time passes.  In a blink.  There are no do-overs.  Just second chances to take a deep breath, slow down, and treasure every moment.  Someday, I will cry with sadness knowing I don’t get the chance to wake them in the morning.  I’ll miss fixing them breakfast, even on mornings when we know we might be counted tardy.  To be honest… I really don’t care if we are tardy for work, school, or other things in this busy life that we think are important.  Big picture – that doesn’t matter.  From this day forward, I will remember this very moment.  Me, typing my thoughts, tissue after tissue, wiping tears.  I will remember that I don’t want to repeat this morning ever again.  Since God won’t grant me a do-over for those few moments, I will ask that he grant me patience.  Patience to be present in the moment and not waste a single opportunity to show my two greatest accomplishments how much they mean to me.  You see – the sand in the hourglass slips away far too quickly.