I wish I could rewind.
I don’t want to rewind to watch a segment of time again, like a funny
scene on a T.V. show. I want to rewind
to have a do-over. I desire to turn back
the clock, just a few minutes, to completely change the way I acted, reacted,
spoke, yelled, and responded. You see, I
choose to spend less than five minutes with my children in a way that I wish
they had not witnessed. My wish is so
deep, it hurts my heart. My eyes fill
with tears thinking about my childish, short-tempered behavior. In fact, the embarrassment is worse knowing
that next year, next week, even tomorrow – none of this matters. Let me correct myself, it does matter. What matters is that I let my children see an
ugly side of me. They saw a short-fuse
and disgust over tardiness. Truly – over
just being a few minutes late. Instead
of greeting them at the door to say “how did you sleep?” “Are you having a good
morning?” “What did you have for breakfast?” I yelled. Then I yelled some more. Just because they weren’t ready like I
requested, waiting for me at the door. I
was more upset over the dogs, the milk still sitting on the counter, the TV
left on, and the fact that their coats and hats were on hooks- not on their
bodies. To say I flew off the handle was
an understatement. My behavior ruined
their morning, and possibly their day.
My prayer, deep passion, is that moments like this don’t ruin their
impression of me. I want them to remember
my laugh, my smile, and my genuine love for them. I care more about them then I care for
myself. It’s my job to show them this
every day. This morning, I wasted that
chance. I won’t get those few moments
back. Every mother tells you how quickly
time passes. In a blink. There are no do-overs. Just second chances to take a deep breath,
slow down, and treasure every moment.
Someday, I will cry with sadness knowing I don’t get the chance to wake
them in the morning. I’ll miss fixing
them breakfast, even on mornings when we know we might be counted tardy. To be honest… I really don’t care if we are
tardy for work, school, or other things in this busy life that we think are
important. Big picture – that doesn’t
matter. From this day forward, I will
remember this very moment. Me, typing my
thoughts, tissue after tissue, wiping tears.
I will remember that I don’t want to repeat this morning ever
again. Since God won’t grant me a
do-over for those few moments, I will ask that he grant me patience. Patience to be present in the moment and not
waste a single opportunity to show my two greatest accomplishments how much
they mean to me. You see – the sand in
the hourglass slips away far too quickly.
